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Flying With Little Children? Go to the Back of the Plane
By Scott McCartney | Mon, Nov 21, 2011 Babies on airplanes. It's enough to make parents—and all the passengers around them—cry.
Parents are complaining of airline seating policies that create "baby ghettos" in the back of planes. Even worse, families are increasingly split up, leaving small children in middle seats in the company of strangers unless passengers arrange seat swaps on board.
Michael Lyon booked seats together for his family for a trip from Washington, D.C., to Bangkok on United Airlines in July and checked his reservation frequently to make sure the seat assignments didn't change. But when he checked in, all three had been split up, and his 6-year-old son was moved to the back of the wide-body plane by himself for the 13-hour trip.
A United gate agent told Mr. Lyon there were no seats and nothing could be done. He protested, ultimately getting a supervisor who found two seats together so he could sit with his son. "Not only did the United gate staff not seem to understand the importance of having him next to us, they were hostile," Mr. Lyon said.
Even during peak holiday travel periods, adults, of course, outnumber children on planes, and airlines have to balance the needs of parents with other passengers whose nightmare is a long, crowded flight next to a noisy child.
Several factors are at play. First, many seats on flights are reserved for elite-level frequent fliers or full-fare business travelers. Routinely full flights have less seat-assignment flexibility. Also, airlines are increasingly selling choice seat assignments for extra fees, an expensive option for families. And bulkhead rows at the front of coach cabins that used to be ideal for traveling with infants, offering more privacy for diaper changes and more space for restless toddlers, now have to be reserved for passengers with disabilities. As a result, families often end up separated or at the back of the plane.
In Mr. Lyon's case, United says its systems are set up to keep groups together, but his seat assignments may have been altered because of a change in aircraft for his trip. After he complained, including sending United the names of passengers who witnessed the confrontation, the airline said it conducted an investigation and apologized to him.
Baltimore mom Teresa Toth-Fejel flies AirTran occasionally and has been told by airline agents that if she wants seats together with her kids—ages 1, 2 and 6—she should pay extra for reserved seat assignments. She sets alarms for 24 hours before departure to check-in online. "I'm so freakishly worried about it," she said.
When that doesn't work, she has been able to take the free seat assignments in different rows and trade with willing fellow passengers—who likely don't want to be caring for a toddler on their own.
"I feel like it's discrimination against families. For us, it is not an option to not be by my 2-year-old," she said.
Summer Smith Hull, who blogs about frequent-flier miles for families, checks over and over for seat assignments if she doesn't get them right away, grabbing seats that open up when travelers cancel or get upgraded to first class. "The No. 1 way you set yourself up for trouble is if you go to the airport without seat assignments," she said. A recent flight didn't have seat assignments, so she kept calling the airline until she finally got seats.
Adding to the complexity: Several airlines, including American and United, don't let travelers add children flying free on a parent's lap to reservations online. Instead, they must call the airline or get an airport agent to add a lap child to their reservation. Southwest Airlines requires taking a lap child to a ticket counter with a birth certificate on the day of travel to verify the child is younger than 2 years old.
The plane's configuration can also affect placement. On smaller regional jets, for example, some rows don't have an extra oxygen mask to be used on an infant traveling on an adult's lap. That means someone who reserved a seat and has a lap child must be relocated, splitting up a family. (SeatGuru.com has information about location of oxygen masks.)
For their part, airlines say they try to keep families seated together, encourage gate agents to rearrange seating to accommodate families and still provide some kid-friendly amenities. While microwave ovens have been removed from many planes since airlines no longer serve hot food, carriers say flight attendants still warm bottles with hot water. Wide-body jets still have diaper-changing areas.
American recently installed new software that attempts to seat together families with children 12 years and younger who don't have seat assignments 72 hours before departure, significantly ahead of most other customers.
Other carriers suggest families should pay for seat assignments to make sure they stay together since it's harder to get seat assignments in advance, free of charge. US Airways has no restrictions on families reserving seats in advance, but "we do encourage families to take advantage of Choice seats to ensure seating together," a spokesman said.
Overall increased stress of travel due to luggage charges and security procedures has made travelers less tolerant of kids, some parents say.
"Sometimes other passengers are willing to help you out. But others look at you like you are the devil for bringing a child on an airplane," said Alecia Hoobing, who works for a technology company from her home in Boise, Idaho. The evil eyes are more acute when families upgrade to first class, she and Ms. Hull agree. Malaysia Airlines decided this year to ban babies from first-class cabins of its Boeing 747 jets and next year in its new Airbus A380 super-jumbos because of passenger complaints of crying children in the expensive seats.
Ms. Hoobing thinks the hardest part of travel with kids is boarding. Airlines typically no longer let families with small children board first on flights. Instead, they often come after first class and top-tier frequent fliers. Kids and parents—lugging car seats, diaper bags, videogames and toys—clog the aisles and delay general boarding. Though airlines provide leniency, such as exempting diaper bags for carry-on bag limits and waiving checked-baggage fees for car seats and strollers, they have tightened restrictions.
On June 1, for example, American stopped letting parents check jogging strollers, non-collapsible strollers or strollers heavier than 20 pounds at the gate. United already bans gate-checking strollers that don't collapse.
For Families, Rules Vary
Some airline rules that families say make travel challenging:
Strollers
- Airlines now have restrictions on the size of strollers, which have been getting bigger and fancier. American won't gate-check jogging strollers. United will only gate-check collapsible strollers.
- Diaper bags don't count toward carry-on baggage allowance on Continental and American flights. Not so on many other carriers.
- If you have a car seat and a stroller, Continental will only check one free.
- Lap children usually get no baggage allowance—any bags count against allotments for parents. One mother traveling with one lap child and two checked bags pays fees on both bags, totaling $120 round-trip. A third bag would add $250 round-trip on Delta.
- Most airlines charge lap-child fares for international flights, typically 10% of the fare the adult pays for the seat, plus taxes and fees.
- Southwest Airlines requires a copy of a birth certificate before giving a lap child permission to board free.
- If an infant turns 2 while traveling, United requires the purchase of a ticket for the return flight home.
- The Transportation Security Administration requires all equipment to go through metal detectors. Parents must carry infants through metal detectors as well. Baby formula and breast milk (which are specially scanned), as well as medications and juice are exempt from 3.4-ounce limits in 'reasonable quantities.' Liquids, gels and aerosols still must comply. Children can now leave shoes on and TSA has eased up on pat-down procedures for kids.
Well I felt like leaving a comment so I did. It said this:
"My husband and I are dying for an airline to ban children all together from flying and when that happens they will get all of our money. We can't stand children."
It's not that I can stand all children. I should've said I can't stand ill-behaved children. I've actually spent time with some kids throughout my life and the ones that are well behaved aren't that bad. Some of them have been pretty ok to talk to and be around.
Anyway for this comment I got 11 thumbs up and 3 thumbs down and a couple of replies.
Well I see going back more than a week in the comments that I cannot locate someone called Lanzz's original comment. She might've pulled it herself, or Yahoo! did but I'll try to sum up what she said and how she said it. It went something like this:
"You must've never been a child yourself. It's not that you can't stand children, it's that children can't stand you because they can see right through you. What a miserable and awful person you must be. I hope that you and your husband are saving up a lot of money for a retirement home some day because you won't have anyone to love you or take care of you when you're elderly."
I wish I would've copied this article sooner so I could've caught her original statement but it's just not there anymore. I have done the best I could to capture what she said and in what tone. She was very aggressive and judgemental with her comments. The others I have here:
crystal
Please be sure to use birth control. How sad for you that you will go your whole life without realizing the joy children bring. I didn't know what I was missing until I saw the precious face of my daughter. Now every holiday and milestone are the greatest blessing I could ever have imagined. Poor, poor, you.
Caroline M.
Crystal and Lanzz, you are both idiots. Some people don't want kids, nor do they want to be around them. Some people want more from life than procreation, which is way overrated...mostly by nitwits.Which then I responded to my replies with this:
Vivianna
I KNEW that when I left a comment like the original one to expect a lot of backlash, but I am still surprised to see how mean people are when they don't have to face who they are talking to on the internet. Bill Maher said it best when he was speaking about the comment section after articles. Someone says an opinion, person B says they're wrong, person A insults person B, person B insults person A - the end. Nothing good ever comes of the comments sections really. I'm not even sure why Yahoo! lets the user comment on news.
Essentially my beliefs about children and procreation are very strong and have been my whole life.
I don't want kids. I've almost gone my whole life (with the exception of one single day) knowing for sure I don't want kids. They are just not for me. There's nothing wrong with me, I am fully capable of having children, but I choose not to. The world at 7 billion is a scary statistic to me. When people in all sorts of countries are consuming so much energy and resources and then giving back pollutants into the air and water and don't care...we have a problem. The people that live on this planet are not taking care of it and they don't seem to care what happens to it as long as they get their cars, electricity, food, water, etc. I'm not perfect, but I'm trying to reduce my footprint on this Earth. She just doesn't need any more trouble or more people right now. Adding people to the equation just seems wrong to me. We need to take care of Earth first, we need alternative energy sources for the masses first, we need to feed all the people we have here already first.
Kids just aren't for me, but I'm also not telling other people they shouldn't have kids if they can take really good care of them. I am saying that third world countries need to be better educated about birth control though. In India's impoverished areas women have a lot of kids because they know that a lot of their children will die young....so they have more to have a better chance that some of them will grow up into adults. But sometimes, all of them survive and then the parents have a hard time taking care of them because they didn't plan on 5 kids surviving.
It's a long and difficult discussion. No easy answers, and I don't pretend to have them.
I'm sure I would be a great parent. I wish I could say the same for a lot of other people who are already parents.
But with teenage single mothers, drug addicts moms, welfare mothers, people who are children hoarders like that family on the TLC channel that are having their 20th child, and the octomom, I am justifiably concerned with how many people are having kids that shouldn't. And then these kids are just suffering with terrible parents.
I could go on and on, but I'll stop for now.
My final word. If someone tells you they don't want kids, that's ok....not everyone has to have them. Don't make them feel bad or as if something is wrong with them for making that choice.
"Lanzz ---------------------------------------------------------------------
Have you ever read the comment guidelines? I think the one that applies to you the most is -
•Please be considerate and respectful of your fellow posters
Wow, thanks for judging me! I don't judge you for wanting to have kids. People, including children, are naturally attracted to me because I feel fulfilled and happy without needing to add another person to the already overloaded world population of 7 BILLION people. I have no hole or void inside of me that I have to fill with a child. My life is complete and I am very happy with my decision to never have children. What I'm not happy with is the CONSTANT battle with people like you who tell me I have to have children to be complete. My career is my choice, getting married or staying single is my choice, having children (newsflash!) is also MY CHOICE, not yours. I have nothing to prove to the world, and I certainly am not going to succumb to heavy American societal pressure to push out a kid. Just because I am living does not mean I need to procreate. I think most people will agree with me that if you're having a child now only to ensure that you avoid going to a nursing home later (which could happen anyway) you're choosing to have kids for the wrong reason. What a selfish reason for having children - to ensure YOU don't suffer later or feel lonely. I'm not telling anyone else that they SHOULDN'T have kids, I'm merely saying, I do not want any.
Crystal -
See above and also
Yes, poor, poor me - I can sleep all night through because I don't need to feed a baby who won't sleep at 3 am. Poor me - I can sex whenever I want. Poor me - I can drop everything and run off on vacation, go shopping, go out with friends, have a normal phone conversation without being interrupted that my child is about to set my house on fire, travel around the world, and a million other things that I enjoy without having a child in my life. Poor, poor me.
Lanzz and Crystal -
I have had countless conversations with parents that say I've made the right choice. They've told me, given the chance to live their life over they would choose NOT to have kids. I know PLENTY of people that are terrible parents. Some people should not have children because they cannot take care of them (mentally, financially, physically, emotionally) the way they deserve. Somehow saying that I don't want children (can't stand kids) makes me a bad miserable person? And then when I give reasons for why I don't want children people always try to tell me I'll change my mind or that I'm dysfunctional? That somehow something is wrong with me because I am fulfilled without having kids? I am truly happy in my own life and only hope that other people can expand their minds to accept someday that not every single person on this planet has to squeeze a kid out of their loins as some sort of "validation."
Caroline M. -
I love you! Thank you for being one of the few people (it seems, but hopefully there are many more) that can see that there is more to life than just having kids to take care of. Truly, life can be beautiful, rewarding, and complete with or without children."
I KNEW that when I left a comment like the original one to expect a lot of backlash, but I am still surprised to see how mean people are when they don't have to face who they are talking to on the internet. Bill Maher said it best when he was speaking about the comment section after articles. Someone says an opinion, person B says they're wrong, person A insults person B, person B insults person A - the end. Nothing good ever comes of the comments sections really. I'm not even sure why Yahoo! lets the user comment on news.
Essentially my beliefs about children and procreation are very strong and have been my whole life.
I don't want kids. I've almost gone my whole life (with the exception of one single day) knowing for sure I don't want kids. They are just not for me. There's nothing wrong with me, I am fully capable of having children, but I choose not to. The world at 7 billion is a scary statistic to me. When people in all sorts of countries are consuming so much energy and resources and then giving back pollutants into the air and water and don't care...we have a problem. The people that live on this planet are not taking care of it and they don't seem to care what happens to it as long as they get their cars, electricity, food, water, etc. I'm not perfect, but I'm trying to reduce my footprint on this Earth. She just doesn't need any more trouble or more people right now. Adding people to the equation just seems wrong to me. We need to take care of Earth first, we need alternative energy sources for the masses first, we need to feed all the people we have here already first.
Kids just aren't for me, but I'm also not telling other people they shouldn't have kids if they can take really good care of them. I am saying that third world countries need to be better educated about birth control though. In India's impoverished areas women have a lot of kids because they know that a lot of their children will die young....so they have more to have a better chance that some of them will grow up into adults. But sometimes, all of them survive and then the parents have a hard time taking care of them because they didn't plan on 5 kids surviving.
It's a long and difficult discussion. No easy answers, and I don't pretend to have them.
I'm sure I would be a great parent. I wish I could say the same for a lot of other people who are already parents.
But with teenage single mothers, drug addicts moms, welfare mothers, people who are children hoarders like that family on the TLC channel that are having their 20th child, and the octomom, I am justifiably concerned with how many people are having kids that shouldn't. And then these kids are just suffering with terrible parents.
I could go on and on, but I'll stop for now.
My final word. If someone tells you they don't want kids, that's ok....not everyone has to have them. Don't make them feel bad or as if something is wrong with them for making that choice.
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