Twilight

Unfortunately Released: 2008
It's supposed to be a drama, but I think of it more as a unintentional comedy/bore-fest
Directed by a pitiful excuse for a director: Catherine Hardwicke
Starring (but not real stars that can act): Kristen Stewart (twitchy), Robert Pattinson (stoned)
Running Time: (way too damn long) at 122 agonizing minutes
Rated: PG-13 (so the only people that actually enjoy it can see it, which is preteen girls)

The breakdown:  I have such a hard time taking this review seriously, it's painful.  I'll try......
A teenage girl falls in love with a vampire who's a hundred years old, but looks like a stoned, pasty, teenage boy.


Do you know how much it cost to make this film? 37 million dollars.  Do you know how much it grossed? Over 382 million.  It's gigantic. It's mind blowing.  It's unbelievable that a piece of crap "story" like this could make so much freakin' money.  Actually, it shouldn't surprise me, lots of little kids dragged their parents to go see it and they have no taste.  Adult women that went to go see it have no excuse, they just don't know what a good story should look like.

In all honesty, here's the plot.  A girl's divorced mother wants to run off with her new rock band boyfriend so the weird teenage daughter gets pawned off on her clueless father far away in another state.  So, she's new in town and really likes the pasty white, stoned looking loser boy in her new high school.  The loser boy a.k.a. elderly vampire/boy drug wonder likes her too so they start dating.  It's really creepy because he looks at her like he's an old boyfriend of hers that's just stalking her, not like lust.  Unfortunately for the audience, the local werewolf/Native American boy also likes the new weirdo, I mean, girl.  She never is attracted to him, so I'm not sure why they play the whole love triangle story, but they insist she is torn between two Halloween characters, I mean, guys.  There's some car chase and flying scenes, oh and "fighting" scenes as well that are ridiculous and laughably bad.  And don't forget the absurd softball game in the middle of a field.  It all looks like a long commercial on MTV aimed at kids with ADD to me.  It was filmed in 48 days so that might explain it.  The couple that are dating in real life are so bad at acting that they can't even use that to their advantage and make anyone believe they have feelings for each other on screen.  Overall, this story just. doesn't. work.  Watch the Buffy the Vampire Slayer Television Show Season 1 to see how it's done effectively and entertainingly.

Never, ever see this movie or any others that follow it in the series.  It is absolute rubbish and will make you want to throw up.
-100 (that's 100 below my usual lowest possible of 0) of 5, my worst rating forever, for lack of entertainment, lack of talent from the actors, and lack of any sort of enjoyable story line.